What Women Really Want from a Casual Encounter

They don’t want you linger (unless they ask)          

If you’ve been asked the “my place or yours” question and decided to go to hers be mindful not to overstay your welcome. Don’t stay any later than you have been explicitly invited. In casual encounters it is by no means rude to leave shortly after the main event. It’s a hookup, it might just be a one night stand, unless she’s asked you to don’t assume that she wants you to stay over and holder her until morning. Go home and let both of you get the full nights sleep that you know you want.

They don’t want to go on a fancy date

Let’s not beat around the bush, you both are there because you want to have a casual hook up, not to have a deep conversation about yours lives, or even worse have an hour of small talk about your days. Never take your casual date to a fancy dinner or any other kind of date with high expectations. Like you, she doesn’t need to be wasting her time making small talk with you when you both could be getting down to business. She’s a busy woman! You’re a busy man! Save your money and just ask her over to your place to “Netflix and chill” she’ll know what you mean, and she will appreciate that you’re being direct.

They want you to listen to them

Every woman you have sex with wants you to listen to them. It is particularly important to be vocal about your wants and needs in casual sex because you don’t have the rest of your relationship within which to communicate.

They want you to be respectful

Just because this woman is engaging in casual sex with you is no reason not to treat her with the same respect as a woman you are trying to seriously date. Respect her boundaries and if she tells you she is not comfortable with something then avoid doing that. Now is not the time for antiquated ideas on how women should have fewer sex partners than men, especially not if you want to take this individual casual sex encounter and turn it into an ongoing casual sex relationship that you can rely on when you’re bored on Thursday night.

She wants you to keep things light and fun

There are bound to be topics you won’t agree on. Avoid heavy topics like philosophy or politics that can make things tense and ruin the mood. Stay in the moment and talk to her about the things you want to do to each other, how turned on you are, compliment her. Don’t ruin things and make it awkward by trying to show off all the NYT bestsellers you’ve read this year or expounding on your opinions regarding the economy.

They want you to bring protection

It is essential when engaging in casual sex to bring barrier-based protection ie. condoms.  It doesn’t matter if you both use alternate forms of birth control; in the casual dating scene you can never guarantee that the other person does not have multiple sexual partners. Make the sexual health of both you and your hookup a priority and just use condoms, no matter how much better it feels to go without.

Sure, you might think “Why do I always have to spend the money on condoms?” and yes, in a perfect world both of you show up prepared. However, she will certainly appreciate it if you provide your own. Best case scenario: you use both and have twice as much fun.

They don’t want to meet your friends

The best part about casual dating is not having to put emotional labor into meeting everyone in the other person’s life. You certainly don’t feel the need to meet all of her friends so extend the same courtesy to her. If you live in a roommate situation there is only so much you can do, but make an effort to make her feel at ease and try to clear the way before hand, a simple text heads-up to the people you live with to make themselves scarce can go a long way.

They want you to communicate if your feelings change

It’s a common refrain in casual relationships: things start out smooth and light, and then one of you starts to develop stronger feelings. If you find yourself in an ongoing casual relationship where you want to develop it into more than just sex then it is imperative that you communicate this to the other person. As always, communication is essential. No woman wants to be blindsided by feelings she does not necessarily reciprocate. As soon as you start to feel these feelings develop, tell her that so that you can navigate whether you want this casual relationship to transition into a real one, of it is time to let it go.

They want to have an orgasm

Last, but certainly not least, this one should go without saying. Unfortunately, the lack of satisfactory orgasms is what turns many women off from casual sex and hookups. It’s simply more difficult for women to achieve orgasm than it is for men. If you are enjoying having sex with this woman and you would like to continue this casual relationship it is essential to ensure that you are reciprocating the same pleasure that you are receiving from the encounter. As said before, listen to what she wants, she knows what will get her there much better than you do. I guarantee it.

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