Is the Swinger Lifestyle for You? Here’s How to Tell

Nowadays there are so many new terms to add to your dating vernacular: open relationships, ethical nonmonogamy, polyamory. Along with all of these new ways to describe ourselves and our relationships some of the more ‘old-school’ communities are finding themselves in the spotlight once again. The swinger lifestyle in particular appeals to the sexually adventurous couple who prefers to experiment together, rather than the more separate lifestyles favored by the ‘open relationship’. In fact, contrary to what some may think, opening your relationship to swinging is not a harbinger of the end. It can allow both partners to explore themselves sexually while bringing them closer together emotionally. If these ring true then the swinger lifestyle might be right for you.

You don’t want to sleep with the same person for the rest of your life but you DO feel confident and secure in your relationship

Contrary to what you might think, swinging will not save a relationship that is already on the rocks. If you or your partner are already insecure or jealous it can only make it worse. If your sex life has taken a dip and you are looking to become a swinger couple in order to enliven it, then take a step back and consider what underlying problems you might have first. Swinging should only be used to enhance your sex life, not replace it completely.

You are prepared to communicate constantly

As with any relationship you must already have established open and honest communication with your partner. As mentioned above, bringing other people into your sex life can be a recipe for insecurity and jealousy if not handled correctly. Do not expect your partner to just know what you are thinking. If you feel uncomfortable, or stop having fun, at any point let them know and have an honest conversation about it. Swinging cannot be successful if only one person is enjoying themselves.

The same goes for communicating with the other couple you are swinging with. If you can’t expect your partner to know what you’re thinking them you certainly can’t expect the other members of your swingers party to read your mind. Remember you don’t have to engage in anything you don’t want to with any one you don’t want to. Sometimes you just won’t be feeling up to it and as long as you are open and courteous no one will be insulted if you turn them down.

You are confident and know what you want

By their nature swinging parties and swinging clubs are a lavish, boisterous scene. In order to stand out you can’t be a wallflower or a shrinking violet. If you are the type of person to confidently march up to another person and tell them what you want, what you like then you are much more likely to catch their attention. No one wants to be the odd one out at the orgy that leaves without a partner. If you aren’t ready to be quite that forward in a public space then it can be a good idea to test the waters first by finding swinging partners online.

You are an exhibitionist/voyeur

Have you always been drawn to the excitement of being watched, watching others? One of the greatest appeals to swinging is the exhibitionist aspect. Especially in swinger parties most couples will engage in some foreplay before leaving to find a more private space. Many swinger parties start out with sexual games to loosen everyone up and test the waters with regards to chemistry. At the very least you have to be comfortable with some exhibitionism and seeing others engage in sexual acts if you would like to become part of the swinger community.

You know how to set boundaries and stick to them

As with any sexual adventure, especially those outside of your committed relationship, it is a good idea to know your boundaries and what you are comfortable with you and your partner engaging in. Maybe you are comfortable with your partner having penetrative sex with another person but don’t feel comfortable with them kissing another person. Maybe you are comfortable with them engaging in sexual acts with someone of the same sex but not with a person of the opposite sex. Perhaps you are comfortable with all of the above, but you’d prefer they not do it with James who lives down the street because you take the same bus to work and it would just be weird y’know?

Absolutely do not wait until you have reached your boundaries to establish them. If you are interested in getting involved in the swinging community then you should have a thoughtful conversation with your partner before hand so that not only can you explore what your boundaries together but so that they can know what you are comfortable with before you cause a scene at the swingers club.

Both you and your partner are interested in swinging

 The first and most important rule of swinging is that you and your partner must be on the same page about entering the swinging community. Everyone in the community has seen at least one couple where one member was more interested than the other. These situations never last long. You may think that by humoring your partner for a couple weeks they will “get it out of their system” and you can move on, going back to your relationship as it was before. This is no way to start your foray into swinging. For swinging to work successfully then both of you must want to be there. Simply put, if you are only using swinging to keep you or your partner from straying then it ultimately will not be effective. The key to a healthy swinging relationship is that both of you are willing to stop at any time if it no longer works for the other. The key word here is ‘relationship’ your relationship should always come first, swinging is just a fun recreational activity you do together.

Now go on and get swinging!

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