Preparing for Your First Threesome

Whether you are a bi couple dating and looking to explore your sexuality together, a gay couple looking to add another personality to the mix, or a mostly straight couple who has just always thought it sounded fun, chances are you’ve at least considered a threesome in passing.

Threesomes are one of the most popular sexual fantasies. However, they aren’t as unattainable as you might think. With a couple other like-minded people and a lot of open communication your fantasy of a threesome can not only be a reality, but go pretty smoothly.

Go over expectations before the main event

       One of the biggest problems that people encounter in threesome dating is jealousy. Maybe one person is getting all the attention, maybe one person feels as if they are being left out of all the fun. Express what you want out of the threesome going in. If you would like to be more of a voyeur and watch the action, say that. If you want a specific scene or scenario to play out then express that too.

       If you are in a committed relationship then you absolutely need to go over whether your relationship can even handle a threesome. For instance, if they have recently accused you of infidelity, or vice versa, then now might not be a good time to explore it.

Get tested & practice safe sex

       This is important regardless of the kind of sex you’re having. You should already be getting tested for common STIs at least once a year but this is can be especially important if you are planning to engage in a threesome. By nature they can tend to be a bit messier than other types of sex. Since you’re already having a threesome, why not try out some other new things while you’re at it? Understandably, condoms and other protection can sometimes be forgotten. Minimize the possibility of leaving with something more than a fond memory by ensuring that no one has any STIs and all parties capable of conceiving have a secondary method of birth control.

Get comfortable

       You might be picturing a spontaneous romp with a perfect stranger but, like any other casual sex encounter, strangers are rarely on enough of the same page to have a truly fulfilling sexual experience. If you are a couple looking for a threesome then make the effort to get to know your third. The three of you should get to know each other first, get used to each other’s natural rhythms, before trying to hop into bed. The best thing you can do is go on a three-person date. Even if you already know the person, a date is always the best way to gauge if you have compatible chemistry.

Keep talking through the experience

       Yes it’s important to communicate well leading up to the threesome but it is just as important to communicate well as it is happening. Just like any other sexual encounter, free and open communication can only make things better. The other people cannot read your mind, don’t expect them to automatically know when you want to try a new position or if you feel uncomfortable, no matter how well you know each other out of bed.

Stay away from any mind altering substances

       It can be very very tempting to have a couple drinks, or use some other form of artificial courage, before engaging in a threesome. Don’t give in to the temptation. Things will already have a tendency to get awkward, or messy, without you being sloppy drunk and unable to keep things rolling. Wouldn’t you rather remember the experience in its entirety anyways?

Focus on the other person’s pleasure

       It’s your fantasy, why shouldn’t you be selfish? Because the key to having a fun threesome is making sure that the entire group is having fun, not just you. Especially as you get started, spend a little more time making sure the most nervous of your group is having fun and is at ease. This can go a long way towards making sure the experience doesn’t end prematurely. You will have plenty of time later for them to repay the favor.

Don’t just focus on one person

       You should definitely try to spread the love equally throughout the night. This will not only reduce the chance of jealousy rearing its ugly head but it also makes sure that no one is feeling left out. No one wants to start out part of the threesome and get shut out by the other two. Avoid hurt feelings and do what you came here to do: have sex with two people, not just one.

The obvious exception to this is if you are having the threesome as a special gift for one of the people. In this case feel free to give them a little extra attention. Not too much though, even if they are the ‘guest of honor’ threesomes are just more fun if everyone is enjoying themselves equally.

Take a break

       If you feel like you need a break but the other two are still going don’t feel as if you have to “power through”. People have different stamina levels and that’s ok.  Use this opportunity to take a step back to recharge and appreciate the fact that you are having a threesome. Not everyone can say that! It can also be very hot to watch the other two people in your trio getting it on. You’ve basically got your own personal sex show that you can join at any time. Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to be fully engaged the entire time. That’s one of the best parts of a threesome; you can step in and out whenever you need without causing a full break in the action.

No matter what you do it is going to be a little awkward

       There will always be a couple moments in threesome dating where things won’t go as smoothly as you would like. Maybe you will all have to take a pause to get naked and you don’t know what exactly to talk about. Maybe your body makes a weird noise that is mortifying enough when you’re with one person, let alone two. Maybe you’ve all finished up, it’s the morning after, you all feel glowy and sated, but then you can’t figure out whose socks are whose. Life doesn’t go perfectly and neither do threesomes. Just remember that you are all in the same boat. You all came here to have fun and you will. If an awkward silence falls just laugh and move on.

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